Last Updated on May 20, 2011 by Mike
So How Can You Build a Lasting Relationship?
Can a happy-ever-after love story happen in real life, or does it only exist in the confines of a fairytale book? The truth is, people can fall in love in an instant, but staying in a relationship is the difficult part. A lot of people fall out of love when the ‘steam’ evaporates, or when their partner fail to live up to their expectations. Staying in a relationship can be a bit challenging and often times difficult. This is why there are a lot of failed and broken relationships in all parts of the globe. So how can you build a lasting relationship? Is there a fail-proof formula that you can follow to ensure your own happy ending story? There are actually time-tested guidelines that you can employ to build a lasting relationship. Whether you are single, engaged, married or divorced, anyone can benefit from the following golden rules for a lasting relationship.
- Fall in love wisely and choose a partner well. Never confuse attraction and pleasure in sex as love especially in the beginning of a relationship. Take time to get to know your prospective partner and evaluate him based on his personality, values, spirituality and relationship with others.
- Learn how to manage differences. Every individual is unique and thus you cannot expect to always agree on everything. Agree to disagree on certain matters with complete acceptance of each other’s point of view. Disagreements will not poison your relationship, but the negative feelings that are brought about by avoiding conflicts and not managing your differences will.
- Communicate your needs clearly. Do not expect your partner to ‘guess’ what your needs or wants are. Failing to practice honest and open communication can lead to unnecessary disappointments and bitterness for expecting your partner to fulfill your unstated needs. Remember, your partner is not a mind-reader.
- Learn to engage in deep conversations. While going out on movies or concerts together are a fun way to build intimacy, having a meaningful conversation can further deepen your bond. Take time to talk about your personal dreams, hopes, goals and even fears.
- Discuss your spiritual beliefs together. It is ideal that you both share the same faith, otherwise find a way to work it out. A lot of relationships fail because of differences in spiritual beliefs.
- Be the safe haven to your partner. Be the one who your partner can turn to and take comfort when things are rough for him or her. Be a shoulder to cry on, be your partner’s refuge and strength, and be the voice that says everything will be alright.
- Keep the love and passion burning. Don’t let the stress of life or any external disturbances take toll on your relationship. Laugh together, hold hands, cuddle, kiss and make love. Express your love in every way you can, from cooking your partner’s favorite meal to surprising him with little gifts.
The above are just a few of the golden rules you can follow for a lasting relationship. Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is difficult. There is a truth in the saying that staying in a relationship is a deliberate choice you have to make every day. If you follow the guidelines for a healthy and lasting relationship, it will make it easier for you to make that choice and perhaps you too can have your happy-ever-after in real life.
I love the point of “safe haven to your partner”. If you cannot trust, you cannot truly love. Many marriage and partnerships fail because of that lack of trust and support.
Even if you do not agree with your partner, it is important to support their feelings and let them know you support them.
While I do not agree about sharing the other person’s faith, you must be respectful and tolerant of their beliefs and be supportive of them, regardless how different they may be from your own. Lot of good information here, I like point #3 – Communicate your needs clearly. And understand the difference between needs and wants. In our society, many people think because they want something, they need it. Learn to take care of your own needs and allow your partner to meet those needs when they can. It’ll make the give and take a lot smoother in the end.
I agree with everything written above, but I would also add that trust, respect and tolerance are also cornerstones of solid relationships. Too many people confuse infatuation with love at the start. Maybe the only rule we really need is THE Golden Rule itself — treat others as you would like to be treated?! Love is the answer!